Pregnant and Laid Off

I try to stay upbeat and music-focused in this blog but occasionally I'm allowed to acknowledge other parts of my life, no? I was laid off from my day job as a trade magazine editor yesterday at 10 am, and it was a shock, if not a complete surprise.

After a nice ferry ride into San Francisco I got into work and read a farewell note from another editor who was soon to be unemployed along with me, but ever the optimist, I wrote back to her saying maybe her scheduled meeting with HR wasn't so ominous. Then I noticed a cryptic email requesting my presence at a similar meeting. My heart started pounding with panic, but then I thought, just enjoy the next hour and don't think about it. So I did, chatting with the other editors. After I was given the axe, I called my husband, my parents, and Wayne Wallace, my producer. He said, "Where are you? I'll come pick you up."

I went to my yoga class first, which is held in a womb-like inner conference room in the building. I didn't say anything about what had just happened. When the worries would start to swirl in my head I just focused more on my breathing. After that, Wayne picked me up and we went to his place and worked on my two album concepts for several hours. It was quite fruitful, though I often spaced out and felt sad. As Wayne said, I may not have money now, but I will have plenty of free time to work on music!

I took BART and the ferry back to the East Bay and picked up my son at kindergarten. When we got home, my husband was sloshed. I suppose it was an understandable reaction to the news. Unfortunately, being 5 months pregnant, it's not an option open to me. My son did the sweetest thing then: He announced, "I'm going to help my Mommy." I was crying at this point, and he said, "Mommy, are you sad because you lost your job?" "Yes, honey." "You have to find a new job, then, Mommy. How about if you be my teacher?" I laughed then, and hugged him tight. He is the sweetest boy on the planet.

I've held this job for 10 years. I feel bad for Laurie, the other editor who was laid off along with me. She's so brilliant and wise and didn't need this complication in her life right now. I do want the readers of the magazine to know that I believe in them -- if any of those readers (you know who you are) happen to see this blog, know that I admire your intelligence and creativity and am confident you can lead the software industry out of the muck. Techies unite!

Disclaimer: The magazine is going in a new direction and has to retrench. I harbor no ill will toward my former employer. I'm aware that many companies have had to go through the same wrenching maneuvers and that many folks know just exactly how crappy it feels.