Signed the Severance

I came into the office today. It was mostly pretty miserable and depressing to be there. IT was out and couldn't help me with my file transfer project. I made some headway and also downloaded a copy of OpenOffice for the Mac, but yikes! Reading the ReadMe I'm not sure this is the version I should try. There's something else called NeoOffice which is apparently more integrated with OS X. I also got the DSL hardware yesterday but haven't started installing it yet. There's going to be a complication with the monitored alarm system we have. I don't know if it's just a matter of installing another filter on that or what.

There were few people in the office. Some pretended I was invisible, but I appreciated the ones who came up to me and chatted. I called HR and went down to see them. Yesterday I got scared because one of our longtime columnists resigned in protest for our layoff (I said I was honored by the gesture but urged him to reconsider) and because of the gag clause I don't want them to think I've been badmouthing them (which I haven't). I really can't afford to lose the severance and the insurance until the baby is born, so I didn't ask for anything more, though I'd been debating whether I should. I went in to the HR woman's office, steeling myself to be happy. She had a dead look in her eyes and her face was expressionless. I said, "I hope your holiday season is going well!" in the brightest voice I could manage. I asked her a question about the cost of my insurance payment and once she answered it I said, "Well, let's let bygones be bygones," and I signed the papers. "It's been a pleasure working here," I said as I gathered the folder back together. I could tell she was surprised that there hadn't been a fight and she softened a bit. "I'll be back next week to turn in my keys and phone, right?" I asked as I left. She smiled and said yes. Walking away I felt my throat tighten up and I thought, "dammit Alexa, don't cry."

I packed some more boxes and files and plants (I had a jungle in my cubicle) and Adolfo, sweet man and jazz lover who works in facilities, came by to ask if I needed help getting down to the car. We chatted about layoffs as we went down and he loaded the boxes into Emilio's junk truck (our nice car was flooded a few days ago and now not only won't start but stinks something awful).

On the way to pick up Sebastian I was talking on the phone to Jeff, my bass player, and he started berating me for not demanding more severance. "Aw Alexa, if you let them do this to you, they're going keep doing this to people in your situation!" I said there wasn't a lot of choice in the matter--I have limited time and energy. Plus, I'm not easily intimidated, but the forces that eliminated my job scare the hell out of me. I told him we've just got to get more gigs.

"Hey, Jeff, you want to play the BART station with me?" "I'll play anywhere with you, babe." I am a lucky so-and-so, I guess.