Inspiration, Introspection and a Goodbye to SD

I just watched a documentary about a classical violinist named Nadja Salerno-Sonnenberg. How inspiring! Her incredibly strong character and honest emotion are so powerful when she performs, not to mention her technical prowess. She's had plenty of ups and downs, including a stalker, depression and a suicide attempt. She spoke briefly about her "monster" and how it coolly tells her she'll fall on her face before her performance--though another artist praises her for being so focused that she avoids the negative forces that can suck an artist down.

The worst were the critics: Some called her "distorted," or "affected," or too dramatic and physically distracting; one accused her of obscuring the composer's motive. Then, there was the queen of all insults: A printed review calling her performance "hormonal"! Now, that reminds me of something Gary Mankin, my very wise engineer, told me about how opinions are like a-holes--everyone's got 'em. But still, it's also unvarnished sexism. Ah well. The important thing is that this iconoclast keeps on playing.

Today I read several misguided opinions on what caused the demise of my old magazine. Yes, I should ignore them. I am tempted to set them straight, but to what avail? This is a lesson--to others, an event can appear so different from what actually happened, and even those who participated may not agree on a single truth. The funny thing is, outsiders will infer all sorts of rationales and important trends from what happened, when those 9 men and 4 women who were on the inside of the situation know that, in the moment, it was just a struggle for personal/professional supremacy. And as much as I deplore real war, I feel no need to spend 8 hours a day working on a simulated battlefield. I came, I saw, I learned. Now I'm gone and doing amazing new things. So goodbye, SD/CL. You taught me well. I'm just sorry I couldn't save you from an untimely closure at 22.