Survival Tips

I picked up a copy of National Geographic Adventure because of the cover lines: "How to Survive (Almost) Anything" and "20 Extreme Situations Solved." Inside, I was reminded of our fun photoshoots and spot art for our old magazine: There was "break glass in case of emergency" image with brain inside the case that was like one of our cover photos.

This has always been a beautiful magazine, and it continues to be, though some of the design conventions (which we imitated, as did Scientific American--Wired probably started many of them) are starting to look dated.

Anyway, there is a "Survival IQ" test inside, and I am sorry to say my score indicated "your safe zone extends to your lawn. Beyond that: crapshoot."

As a public service, I will condense the answers in hopes of preventing untimely dirt naps.

1. If you're lost in the Sonoran Desert, your first priority at noon is to find shade.

2. The best way to get water in the desert is to tie a plastic bag to a branch; condensation will produce up to a pint in eight hours.

3. Use charcoal for sunblock.

4. To be spotted by rescuers, build rock cairns, dig a giant X in the ground and make smoke signals.

5. If you're lost in the ocean on a raft, make yourself a shelter. Assuming you have something to make it out of.

6. To stay hydrated, you must eat seven pounds of fish per day.

7. Start drinking your own urine after day two of no water. You can only live three days without water.

8. If you see an island in the distance, let the current take you there, but don't swim or paddle to it. I don't know why but I assume because you may tire yourself out. Or it may be a mirage? Wait, that's in the desert.

9. If you crash land in the Andes, don't leave the plane if there's a storm.

10. Apply a cloth-wrapped hot water bottle to the groin to treat hypothermia. If hands go blue, apply to groin.

11. If you get lost in the Adirondacks, first sit down to assess your situation before you try to find your way back.

12. To test whether food is edible, rub it on your inner wrist to test for reaction, note if it appears to be plentiful and eat a small amount of it and wait 24 hours.

13. For dry firewood, punch through a dead standing tree. This assumes your fists are very strong.

14. To stop infection and bleeding in a cut, urinate on it.