Thursday, October 09, 2008

Original: When the Night Is Cool and All the Boys Are Sleeping

posted by Alexa Weber Morales @ 10/09/2008   3 comments

3 Comments:

At 11:13 AM, Anonymous DOW said...

Wow. So here's a critique:

Lovely voice, as always. And the lyrics are very moving. In fact, it's a wonderfully poignant piece... but I find the tempo and rhythm at odds with the sentiment. As is the scatting. I hate not to just say I love it... and maybe I'm showing my own lack of appreciation of Latin forms. But for what it's worth -- and I think these lyrics, this song, are worth a lot -- the music would be more appropriately somber or plaintive somehow. Maybe you have another rationale, a kind of whistling-in-the-dark mood that is being evoked. But I think a balladic, maybe almost a capella or acoustic, performance of the tune would serve the words more aptly. (I'd even eliminate smiling and head-bobbing.)

Since I sense it's early in the game, and you've always regarded music as a collaborative art, this is offered simply as food for consideration.

 
At 11:28 AM, Blogger Alexa Weber Morales said...

Thanks for the critique. If YouTube views (which could well be influenced by my attire or any number of other random factors) are any indication, this one isn't as popular as the one I posted last month.

I am trying to change one lyric. Haven't quite fixed it though:


Once I met a man who
Blew the sky wide open
Threw his stars into my empty sea

Now I scan the clouds in vain
Hoping for summer rain
My thirsty soul has finally gone to seed

That second part replaces this:

Now I scan the clouds in vain
Search for callow truth
Dashing desire pines for victory

 
At 12:45 PM, Anonymous DOW said...

Yes, you're getting close on that lyric, which I very much prefer to the original. But the metaphor is still slightly mixed. Can you work on some variant of "parched" or "dried up" rather than "gone to seed?" (Which might technically, horticulturally, be accurate, but still I think comes out mixed.)

 

Post a Comment

<< Home