Self-Help Books I Would Buy

I came across this title just now (Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life) and it made me chuckle. Inspired, I came up with some potential best-selling self-help book titles:

Toxic Losers: Ruthlessly Eliminating Useless Nitwits From Your Social Circle

Delirious Felicity: Staying Positive When Everyone You Work With Is Not, Because You're All About to Be Laid Off for Christmas

Reclaiming Your Claim: Finding What You Were Meaning to Find But Forgot About Along the Way to the Big Claim Check We Are All Waiting in Line For

When "No" Means "Not Really But I Guess It's OK": Why Continuing to Accept Sub-Par Subcontractors Sabotages Your Serenininicity My Eye Twitches

Ancient Rage: Turning the Bile Within into Caustic Sputum

Men Don't Suck, But They Do: How Years of Interaction with Men Can Turn You into a Fervent Proponent of Asexual Reproduction

Teaching the Children: Why I Believe the Children Are the Future Even Though They Have No Impulse-Control

I Can't Stand the Screaming Any Longer: One Woman's Story of Outsourcing Child-Rearing to Anglophone Third-World Countries for Just $5 a Day

Aphlomoromics: How Coining Random Terms Can Make You Into an Instant Media Darling

Seven Point Three Steps to Starting: 7 Ideas on How to Begin Doing Anything That You Would Rather Read 10,000 Meaningless Words Than Do, Plus a Special Bonus Section of Inspirational Refrigerator-Magnet Haiku (.3)

Eleventeen Ways to be Successful in Business: Because You Don't Understand Statistics Enough to Realize that You Will Never Make it Into the Top One Percent of Corporate Wage Earners

Toxic Capitalization: When You No Longer Remember What a Preposition Is Or Whether You Should Capitalize It In a Book Title, and How to Feel Better About that Fact

Take a Shower: Why Continuing to Postpone Bathing in Favor of Blogging Pushes Those Nearest to You Away from You Because You Stink