Steve Martin on Looking Back

Boy could I relate to this excerpt (p. 122) from Steve Martin's recent book Born Standing Up:

I recently viewed a musty video of an appearance on The Virginia Graham Show, circa 1970, unseen since its airing. I looked grotesque. I had a hairdo like a helmet, which I blow-dried to a puffy bouffant, for reasons I no longer understand. I wore a frock coat and a silk shirt, and my delivery was mannered, slow, and self-aware. I had absolutely no authority. After reviewing the show, I was -- especially since I was writing an autobiography documenting my success -- depressed for a week. But later, searching my mind for at least one redeeming quality in the performance, I became aware that not one joke was normal, that even though I was the one who said the lines, I did not know what was coming next. The audience might have thought what I am thinking now: "Was that terrible? Or was it good?"

I often have horrible reactions to seeing video of myself. I have a rule, which when unenforced produces disastrous results, of letting a few days or better a week go by before viewing video or listening to a board mix of a show.

Now I can't find it, but somewhere else in the book he talks about how unrecognizable his earlier self is to who he is now, and how performers live so much in the moment, that once it's over it's gone. I don't like to go back and read diaries, and looking at old pictures usually makes me sad or uncomfortable. It does feel like looking at a stranger. Again, I can relate.