How Not to Interview for a Job

Like every other American right now, as of late last year I lost some key sources of freelance writing income and have been looking about for new work -- and there's not much out there, as you all know. I have a pretty smashing resume if I do say so myself and on those rare occasions where I submit it it often does the trick. But a recent interview illustrated the new job market -- and reminded me of what not to say next time.

I had submitted my resume to a Craigslist posting for a contract senior editor position for a web publication, covering general business topics. Ideal for me, really. But I think I screwed up the interview by being the Alexa of, say, the 2003 job market, rather than the Alexa of the 2009 market. In a nutshell, I was too honest. See, the old way of being an editor or writer was to show off your intelligence with a certain irreverent expressiveness. The new way of being a writer is to kiss ass. Whatever they want you to write, why yes, that's ideal.

"Can you write headlines for ticker-tape news displays about SEC filings?" "Not only can I do that, I actually dream in ticker tape, and play SEC bingo all the time," I will reply brightly in the future.

"What about enforcing deadlines for 200 unpaid contributors?" The old Alexa might say, "I'm not really an anal, managing editor type, but I certainly understand the importance of deadlines and adhere to them." The new Alexa will say, "I schedule my bathroom breaks according to my biorhythmic productivity levels. In fact, I punch a time clock at home to stay motivated. Finally, I think it's wonderfully efficient that you're combining the duties of copy editor, managing editor and senior editor in one position."

To practice for future job interviews, I suggest doing a dry run with someone whose politics you violently disagree with. If you can get through an argument with them without once expressing a negative opinion, you might have a chance in the job market of 2009.