The Male Mind: More Insight From My Bro

ME: So how is [rapper we know] doing?

BRO: Ah, you know, he spends all his time checking his MySpace, corresponding with girls who send him pictures of their vaginas.

ME: Ha ha! Oh, that reminds me of a song I wanted to write. I was going to ask you for some advice on it.

BRO: If "pictures of vaginas" just reminded you of the song, I can pretty much guarantee you shouldn't write it.

ME: Wait, wait, let me remember the idea. Oh yeah, you know how you say "Let me be your baby?" when you're in love?

BRO: "Let me be your baby?" No, you mean when you're a baby?

ME: No, you know, "I wanna be your baby."

BRO: Who says that?

ME: Lovers, don't they?

BRO: I don't think so.

ME: Baby this, baby that, you know. Anyway, the song was going to play on it, "Let me be your fetus, I want to be a cute little zygote."

BRO: [silence]

ME: "Feed me, IV me."

BRO: "IV me?"

ME: Yeah, stick an IV in me.

BRO: Not a good song.

ME: I was trying to be over the top, you know, make fun of how we infantilize ourselves when we are in love. That and all these bizarre fetishes that are out there.

BRO: Speaking of pictures of vaginas, did you know no guy can resist taking a picture of his johnson?

ME: What? I guess we are done talking about my song.

BRO: Forget the song. I'm talking about something that separates women and men. For men, it is an irresistable urge that cannot be denied.

ME: Have you done this recently? What does your wife think?

BRO: It's been a while. But if a man sees a camera lying around, he must pick it up and take a picture of his penis with it, for the other person to find.

ME: Oh, you mean someone ELSE's camera. Like a random person? Have you done this?

BRO: All men do it. It's innate. I mean, I haven't corroborated this with any other man that I know but I'm pretty sure that it's universal.

ME: I did not know that.

BRO: Ask your husband.

ME: I'm pretty sure he's never done that, but sure, I will. Thanks for the info, bro.

BRO: That's what I'm here for.