Men vs. Women and Their Little Goals

BRO: So what’s new?

ME: Nothing much. Where are you?

BRO: I’m in WalMart, buying a baby trailer for the bike.

ME: Oh, well, don’t talk to me while you’re doing that, it’s rude.

BRO: It’s OK, I have my in-ear on.

ME: It’s still rude.

BRO: No, I just look like a crazy person gesticulating to myself.

ME: Fine.

BRO: Anything new?

ME: Well, I just finished the triathlon.

BRO: Oh. [pause] How’d that go?

ME: Pretty good. But it was hard. Next time I need to push a little more on the training.

BRO: You know, that endurance stuff doesn’t appeal to me.

ME: It doesn’t have to.

BRO: I mean, I’m going to run a marathon, but I don’t like triathlons.

ME: Oh you are, are you?

BRO: Yes. I owe it to myself to finish a marathon, since I crapped out when I trained with you.

ME: You know, that time you got lost in the woods and I had to call Park Headquarters for a search party, you did end up running more than 26 miles, I'm sure.

BRO: Yeah, I know. Anyway, I don't like triathlons.

ME: Well, that’s how I feel now about the half-Ironman distance. Although I could change my mind. But being out on the course for 8 hours just doesn’t appeal to me.

BRO: Have you watched the Ironman recently? My buddy and I have watched that for years. It’s in Hawaii, in the triple-digit heat, with no wind? No thanks.

ME: Yeah, and basically more than 15 hours for an amateur athlete to complete.

BRO: We used to say we were going to do that someday.

ME: Yeah right. Men are so ridiculous. You say you’re going to do an Ironman someday, while sitting in a pile of empties, eating pork rinds and smoking a cigarette.

BRO: I don’t smoke.

ME: The point is, men are ridiculous.

BRO: Men like to puff themselves up. We like to say extreme things. You women have your little goals, and then you go along checking them off one by –

ME: They’re not so little, bro.

BRO: Yeah, whatever. Men tell everyone, “I’m gonna make a million dollars by age 30.” And then they go to their job at 7-11 and forget to buy a lottery ticket. ’Cause that’s how men roll.