Alexa Weber Morales, salsa jazz singer-songwriter

Oakland, CA. Alexa Weber Morales has built a career singing quirky songs about economic and romantic instability. Tunes like “I Wanna Work For You,” “But I’m Weak” and “Catastrofe de Amor” have led to rampant speculation about her relationship status and credit worthiness. Today, she’s breaking the silence. “Oh, there’s all those rumors that I’m a musician,” she tells Facebook. “But I don’t care what people think about my lifestyle choices. I’m amplified and I’m proud.”

‘I Am Not An Abomination’

Many have questioned her preferences, given that she has mainly been seen with musicians. In 2010, she told a close friend she thought musicians should be allowed to marry, even though the bible says they are unclean and, as most groupies have found, they need someone who can sell merch and drive them everywhere. “I am not an abomination,” she recently told no one in particular while dumpster-diving.

In 2010, she seemed to be testing the waters for a more public statement when she told a close friend she thought musicians should be allowed to marry, even though the bible says they are unclean and, as most groupies have found, they need someone who can sell merch and drive them everywhere.

“What’s the difference between a large pizza and a musician? I’m not ashamed to say a large pizza can feed a family of four,” says Morales. Like many musicians, she admits to getting medical treatment from a witch doctor, selling her own plasma, living in a van down by the river and shopping second-hand. “The jean selection at Good Will is actually quite nice!” She dispels one myth about musicians, however: They are not all drug addicts. “Do you know how expensive drugs are? I can’t even afford ibuprofen.”

It Gets Better

“Have I ever wanted to be normal? Of course, but it gets better. Now I can play the half-whole diminished scale and am really good at making music charts in Sibelius.”

Not only is Morales happier, more fulfilled, better dressed and more enlightened than ever before, she’s also back on track after disappointing sales and critical ignorance of her discography, which includes Jazzmerica (2004), Vagabundeo (2007), an EP entitled From Me To Yule (2010), the Grammy-nominated Wayne Wallace record Bien! Bien! (2010) and her fan-funded album I Wanna Work For You (2011). This year, she made the controversial decision to not get lip or buttock implants. “My motto is, I’m younger now than I’ll ever be again,” she says. “Now listen to my music, bitches!”